Kampala's smoking cars

Kampala’s traffic produces more toxic smoke than the average coffee shop in Amsterdam. It is more chaotic than 15 old taxi parks combined in an area half the size of the current place. It is more dangerous than a blind Boda Boda driver on a 3000cc motorcycle. It follows less rules than an anarchist rebel stuck on a deserted island and it moves slower than a crippled turtle . All these things combined make the overall traffic system in Kampala function less efficient than a child who is trying to staple jelly to the living room ceiling.

The result of this chaotic, lawless, dangerous, crazy, dirty mess is the cost of many lives, the obstruction of efficient commercial transportation, the heavy pollution of the Ugandan sky and the reason for all Ugandans to be at least one hour late for their appointments in Kampala.

Is there a sustainable solution besides turning the roads of Kampala into one massive golf course? I believe there is. Bicycles. Bicycles are safe, bicycles are clean, bicycles are cheap, bicycles don’t take up a lot of space, bicycles don’t use petrol and riding a bicycle is a good exercise and will help Ugandans to burn off their carbohydrate overdose indulged during their heavy matooke- posho – kalo – lumondi – rice - cassava - lunch.

How do we get Kampala on the bicycle? I propose all government officials to set an example for the rest of the people. The introduction of bicycles for political leaders will not only set a good example, it will furthermore create an enormous decrease in the annual budget normally spend on government vehicles. This spare money can then be invested in the re-construction of roads with special lanes designed for bicycles.

What about the people who now find their monthly income in the transportation sector? The taxi drivers could start bicycle repair shops. The Boda Boda drives could open up bicycle parking venues and the drivers of the government vehicles could switch from driving cars to giving personal massages to the government officials legs after they have been riding their bikes all day from meeting to meeting across the city of Kampala.

One last problem remains, how do we get government officials to move their big butts out of their big cars? The answer is very simple. They will receive special bicycles. Bicycles that will give them the status they deserve, bicycles that will give them the comfort they are used to and bicycles that will distinguish them from the rest of the people in Kampala, just as they have always put themselves above the rest of the people. Their bicycles will be painted in the colours of the national flag. Their bicycles will have an extra soft seat and their bicycles will even have silver bells. And the president? The president should get an extra special one. Maybe one with a golden bell, or a even a little parasol, to protect him from the sun, but most importantly, the little flag that normally flows in the wind on the front of his Mercedes, will proudly represent his concern for the wellbeing of Uganda from the back of his bicycle!